Flashback

What do you say when you come face to face with reality that most of your younger life (and many instances sprinkled throughout your adulthood) is a trauma.      How can I not slip to survival mode all the time? But I don't . Not always.

        I do do it too often though,slip,and  more than is reccomended,,,,,,, but I am still here more than not, at least....

It's weird and comforting when it all gets lumped together , a relief really... Not one or two things are the trigger, basically your whole first 20 years or so.
         and then being around trauma and those who are working through it all become triggers ... Add in the loss, the attack, the rape, the bad relationships, the fight for our kids, and it all seems so monumental.
My pile of shit is sooooooo high it's festive beyond belief, like a giant glimmering junk heap so high you can't see the top .

Meditation, breathing, adult being.   This will help. Letting it move, not latching on not freezing.  Bending like the trees...the humor to see through it sometimes.