I am in the mire. Slow cyndi lauper songs and slow covers of up tempo cyndi lauper songs seem to help.
The mire seems particularly dark and sticky at this moment.
Writing may help.
Being unstructured is appealing . The urge for going is strong,,,,,,
The urge to be seen and understood is even stronger .... Impossibly strong while squirreling myself away due to the intensity of everyThing
There is hope and that desire to continue , not just continue but soar but Lordy is the mire sticky, sludgey and dense..... The album Trust by Low is particularly feative now as well. Is this ramblings or a playlist for depression? Both.... Slow sad desperate Sade songs and humble ones by Gillian welch are on constant rotation as well.....
Learning to cut through all the precreated neuro pathways and know what is ME , not wiring, conditioning, brain chemistry , voices of self sacrifice and critique, NOT a response to the pain and fear. Not recoiling and fixing and trying to prevent. This is the beginning .
I am posting now.
Play list
Cyndi Lauper Time after Time
Greg Laswell Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Low Last Snowstorm of the Year
Sade Every Word
Gillian Welch Trouble Mind
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Friday, November 21, 2008
twilight
my favorite time of day is twilight.
makes me thoughtful, joyful, moody and melancholy all at the same time.
the light, the colors the shift in time and even the temperature
it is the in between time
makes sense then that i heartily enjoy a sunrise as well- especially while brewing coffee at a diner in the berkshire mountains in winter time.
twilight i do crave though- get all wonky when i don't see it for days in a row
twilight is also is the name of a teen movie out today-it is based on a book about a human and vampire relationship.
i often read teen fiction ( favorites being- stargirl, harry potter and weetzie bat).
i have yet to read this series but it has got me thinking of vampires.
the forbidden, the lost(dead), the need for life, the whole Eros and superstition around them.
they are between and the in between is the shifting and the shifting is what adds to fleeting moment and i think to the sensuality- what is more fleeting than touch.
and what an in between of touch- desire/fear, death/life, pain/pleasure, control/submission.
a boy i was with once was very vampiresque and i learned how sensitive the neck can be and how closely ecstasy and loss of self are intertwined at times. not what i want now not even an experience i would recommend but it has added to my story, shaped me a little and given me a moments thought to this time of day, young love and vampires.
makes me thoughtful, joyful, moody and melancholy all at the same time.
the light, the colors the shift in time and even the temperature
it is the in between time
makes sense then that i heartily enjoy a sunrise as well- especially while brewing coffee at a diner in the berkshire mountains in winter time.
twilight i do crave though- get all wonky when i don't see it for days in a row
twilight is also is the name of a teen movie out today-it is based on a book about a human and vampire relationship.
i often read teen fiction ( favorites being- stargirl, harry potter and weetzie bat).
i have yet to read this series but it has got me thinking of vampires.
the forbidden, the lost(dead), the need for life, the whole Eros and superstition around them.
they are between and the in between is the shifting and the shifting is what adds to fleeting moment and i think to the sensuality- what is more fleeting than touch.
and what an in between of touch- desire/fear, death/life, pain/pleasure, control/submission.
a boy i was with once was very vampiresque and i learned how sensitive the neck can be and how closely ecstasy and loss of self are intertwined at times. not what i want now not even an experience i would recommend but it has added to my story, shaped me a little and given me a moments thought to this time of day, young love and vampires.
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